She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
