Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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