Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
