I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
