So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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