I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
