So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
