You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
