my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
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