i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
True college students do jello shots in the library
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
