Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
