yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
