Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It's official drugs can't kill me
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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