so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
