You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
