I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
