just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
