there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
