I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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