So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
