You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
