if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
