let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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