I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
