i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
