Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I want to fling myself into the sun
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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