i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
