hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
