But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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