Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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