Please, let me fuck your mom
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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