It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
