I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
They are going to name an STD after you.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
