I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
