He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I need to calm my uterus...
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
