Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
