I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
