I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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