I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
