after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
