Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
