I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
