you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
