im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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