i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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