Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
