We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
