I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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