I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
