does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
