Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
