i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
