Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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