my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize