If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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