Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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