Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
