Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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