i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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