Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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