I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
