she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
