I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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