oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
