she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
