you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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