she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
