Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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