JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
