My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
