I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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