he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
